What to Do When Your Ex Violates the Custody Order: A Guide to Enforcement
Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2025 4:52 am
You went through the long, stressful process of getting a final child custody order. You thought the fight was over. But now, the other parent is not following the plan. They are consistently late for exchanges, they refuse to let you talk to your child on the phone, or they are “forgetting” your scheduled weekends. This is not just frustrating; it is a violation of a legal court order. You have the right to enforce it. A orange county child custody attorney can help you take formal action. At JOS FAMILY LAW, we help our clients ensure their hard-won parenting plans are respected.
First, it is important to distinguish between a minor annoyance and a major violation. If the other parent is 10 minutes late once, you should document it but not run to the courthouse. Judges do not want to be involved in petty disputes. However, if you are seeing a pattern of violations—such as being consistently hours late, or “denying” your time by scheduling activities on your weekend—you must act.
Your first step is to create a perfect, factual record. Do not engage in angry text battles. Send one polite, business-like email or text: “Per the court order, our exchange is at 6:00 PM on Fridays. You were 30 minutes late. Please be on time for future exchanges.” Save their response. Keep a detailed, factual log of every single violation, with dates, times, and any excuses given.
If the violations are serious and ongoing, you have two primary legal options.
Option 1: File a “Request for Order” (RFO) to “Enforce” the Order.
This is the most common first step. Your attorney will file an RFO with the court that lays out the pattern of violations, attaching your log and the text messages as evidence. You can ask the judge to do several things:
Formally “admonish” the other parent and order them to follow the plan.Order “make-up” time for the weekends or holidays you lost.Order that all future exchanges happen at a “neutral, public location” or even a police station to prevent future conflict.Order that the other parent pay for your attorney’s fees for having to file the motion.
Option 2: File a “Contempt” Action.
This is a much more serious, “last resort” option. A contempt action is a “quasi-criminal” proceeding. You are not just asking the judge to enforce the order; you are asking the judge to punish the other parent for intentionally violating it. To win a contempt case, your lawyer must prove three things beyond a reasonable doubt: 1) there was a clear and valid court order, 2) the other parent knew about the order, and 3) they willfully violated it.
If found “in contempt,” the other parent can be fined, ordered to do community service, and in extreme, repeated cases, can even face jail time. This is a very powerful tool, but it is also very difficult and expensive to prove.
You do not have to live with a co-parent who ignores the law. Your court order is not a suggestion; it is a legal mandate. To understand the best strategy for enforcing your parenting plan, contact the legal team at JOS FAMILY LAW.
First, it is important to distinguish between a minor annoyance and a major violation. If the other parent is 10 minutes late once, you should document it but not run to the courthouse. Judges do not want to be involved in petty disputes. However, if you are seeing a pattern of violations—such as being consistently hours late, or “denying” your time by scheduling activities on your weekend—you must act.
Your first step is to create a perfect, factual record. Do not engage in angry text battles. Send one polite, business-like email or text: “Per the court order, our exchange is at 6:00 PM on Fridays. You were 30 minutes late. Please be on time for future exchanges.” Save their response. Keep a detailed, factual log of every single violation, with dates, times, and any excuses given.
If the violations are serious and ongoing, you have two primary legal options.
Option 1: File a “Request for Order” (RFO) to “Enforce” the Order.
This is the most common first step. Your attorney will file an RFO with the court that lays out the pattern of violations, attaching your log and the text messages as evidence. You can ask the judge to do several things:
Formally “admonish” the other parent and order them to follow the plan.Order “make-up” time for the weekends or holidays you lost.Order that all future exchanges happen at a “neutral, public location” or even a police station to prevent future conflict.Order that the other parent pay for your attorney’s fees for having to file the motion.
Option 2: File a “Contempt” Action.
This is a much more serious, “last resort” option. A contempt action is a “quasi-criminal” proceeding. You are not just asking the judge to enforce the order; you are asking the judge to punish the other parent for intentionally violating it. To win a contempt case, your lawyer must prove three things beyond a reasonable doubt: 1) there was a clear and valid court order, 2) the other parent knew about the order, and 3) they willfully violated it.
If found “in contempt,” the other parent can be fined, ordered to do community service, and in extreme, repeated cases, can even face jail time. This is a very powerful tool, but it is also very difficult and expensive to prove.
You do not have to live with a co-parent who ignores the law. Your court order is not a suggestion; it is a legal mandate. To understand the best strategy for enforcing your parenting plan, contact the legal team at JOS FAMILY LAW.